Monday, May 23, 2011

Laid Back Mom vs. Crazy Psycho Mom

After I became a mom I think I started developing multiple personalities.  I'm typically a super laid back mom and as you may have read before I allow my children to climb trees, swim in ponds, play outside and get dirty, muddy and wet and I also allow them to eat food that they've dropped on the ground.  Now I don't let them eat other people's food that has been dropped on the ground, I mean come on people, I'm not crazy.  Or am I?  Just thinking about the fact that my older children are going to start driving in a few short years makes me crazy.  This is when I become overprotective, stick my child in a bubble mom!  I'm thinking of petitioning to the state for a few new driving laws concerning teenage drivers.

First of all I think all teenage drivers should be forced to wear a driving helmet.  Now they don't have to be dorky ones but they could be cool race car driving helmets.  Once I get that law passed that will be a cool business idea for someone...designing fashionable driving helmets for teenage drivers.  Since sun visors with fake hair in them seem to be popular be sure to include a line of driving helmets with wigs attached to them.  Preferably highlighted mullet wigs.

Secondly, I will petition to pass a law that requires teenage drivers to wear driving suits made out of bubble wrap.  They can be thinner in the arms and legs to allow for movement but thicker in the chestal region to prevent injury.  Again this may be a good use of someones time to create a line of fashionable bubble suits for teenage drivers.

And thirdly I would petition that teenage drivers be required to drive cars that have like 20 air bags in them as well as no radios, no cup holders, no cigarette lighters, no cellphone charging apparatuses or anything that could be considered distracting.  These new cars won't start unless the cellphone is placed in a certain holding device because you want your child to be able to have a cell phone with them we just don't want them talking on it or God forbid texting while they are driving.  The new car will have onstar and a tracking device so that you as the parent could keep tabs on the vehicle at all times.  The inside of the car will also be outfitted with a web camera so you can always check in on them from time to time too.

So with all of that I don't see how a child could possible get hurt or hurt anyone else while driving.  I suppose I should extend the driving helmets and bubble wrap suits to all teenage and younger passengers of a teenage driver as well.

So to all the moms who wash down grocery carts with antibacterial wipes, disinfect a pacifier every time it falls on the floor and makes your 10 year old continue to ride in a car seat, whose the crazy person now??

"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids."

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