Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Book Unreview: Go the F**k to Sleep

Today I'm doing a book unreview.  What's a book unreview you ask, well its a review of a book that I have never read but only heard or read about.  So essentially it's an unreview I guess.

My book unreview for today is a bedtime book for parents called Go the F**k to Sleep.  This book is about all the profane and honest things that you think but don't say when you are trying to get your little one to sleep.  This is NOT a book that you read to your children!  For those of us who have been parents for a while you know that bedtime can be an absolute nightmare!  My kids were always whining..."I"m hungry, I'm thirsty, I have to go pee, I need my blanky, I need my teddy bear, will you read one more story" and I just wanted to start shouting profanities at them but I didn't.  I took my deep breath and smiled and thought...They won't want me tucking them in forever.

I for one would love to read this book because I've heard it's a pee your pants hilarious book.  I no longer struggle with bedtime for the most part and here's a little tidbit on what worked for my kids.  About an hour before bedtime I started a thing called Last Snack.  This is the time where the kids got their last drink and snack before bedtime and that way they were never hungry or thirsty at bedtime.  Then at bedtime I made them pee and brush their teeth and then I'd tuck them into bed with any blanket or stuffed toy they needed and they got one story.  Only one and it was a short one, no 50 pagers!  And I'll be honest I am totally guilty of skipping pages when I wasn't being watched closely to hurry the story along. 

My oldest two children no longer require a story or me tucking them in for that matter.  They are old enough that they just give us a hug and a kiss and go to bed.  My 4 year old however has resorted to me making up stories instead of reading them.  Lately it's been the same story every time about how he's playing in our creek with his brother and sister and they meet a turtle and the turtle is sad because he lost his friend Mr. Rabbit and so they all go on an adventure to find Mr. Rabbit.  Retelling a made up story is much quicker than reading one so I don't mind one bit.

My 4 year old has consistently slept through the night for several weeks now but I did have those kids that would still get up in the middle of the night until they were 4 or 5!!!  I'd be exhausted wondering when will I ever get sleep!  They'd crawl in our bed and I'd be too tired to take them back to their room so I'd suffer while they tossed and turned and moved and put their foot in my face.  Then I'd finally get to the point where I'd carry them back to their room.  So then we made a rule that if they got up they could not get in bed with us but they could lay on our floor.  So in the middle of the night you'd hear a small child dragging a pillow and blanket and laying on the floor.  After a while I said that if they got up in the middle of the night they could no longer come in our room but they could lay on the couch.  Anyway the further away I got them from our room they eventually just didn't even get out of bed anymore.  Thank goodness.  Now at ages 11, 9 and 4 I'm finally getting some sleep!

So anyway if you are having troubles getting your children to sleep or you just want to read a hilarious book I suggest you read Go the F**k to Sleep.  Just be sure to hide it from your children because I believe the book actually looks like a children's book and you really don't want your kids learning new words from that book...well that's if they haven't already learned the word from their dad.

"Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime." Red Skelton

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